Personal Identity vs Business Identity: Where They Clash

We unpack why business owners can lose themselves when their work becomes their identity, and how that blur quietly drives burnout and disconnection. 

We share practical ways to strengthen personal identity without oversharing so clients and teams see a human first, not just a role. 

• Personal identity vs business identity and why they clash for business owners 
•The difference between personal and private and what to share 
• Using social media to show values, hobbies and real life 
• The blur between work and home and the constant mental load 
• Decision fatigue and why leaders need fewer weekend decisions 
• warning signs like introducing yourself through the business and tying mood to performance 
• Rebuilding balance without following textbook rules that do not fit 
• Designing a values-led business for long-term sustainability 

As always, these conversations we have inside the PMC Learning Lab would love to have you there one day. And you can head over to pmcollective.com.au to find out more.

This podcast is sponsored by West Oz Trades.

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Transcript

Personal Vs Business Identity

Showing Personality Without Oversharing

Leadership Burnout And Decision Fatigue

When Business Performance Becomes Self-Worth

Reconnecting Beyond Textbook Work-Life Balance

Building A Values-Led Sustainable Business

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back, my favorite people. I am looking forward to chatting about this one because this has been a common topic. The last couple of weeks, all the conversations, like I've said in the previous episodes, have all been definitely around that sort of scaling and that identity. And I want to talk today about the difference between that personal identity versus a business identity and where we're finding that they clash. We just naturally attach ourselves to a business identity because it makes sort of sense. You know, that's how we're trying to get new business. Probably more so the people that use social media to get business, uh, whether you're BDM or in a growth role or business ownership, you have uh yourself, like I said, as the business identity, where you've got some people where they have faceless businesses. So they make the business the business identity, and then they keep more of their personal identity private. Now, there is actually a real difference between private and personal, and that's something that you know we might sort of talk about in this session. But the problem with this business identity that we all have, or a lot of us have, is it's really becoming a problem in that we feel like uh work is taking over our lives, and so we don't get that respite from our business that we should be, and it's because we don't have that personal identity or all, our personal identity isn't actually as strong as our business. So that's something that personally I've been working on sort of the last six months, and I have got a coach who's helping me do that, but it's really, really hard work. And like for me personally, trying to get my face off the business through the real estate business is it's been difficult. And I've tried, but I just keep on coming back to putting my face back on, not because I want to, but you know, because that there's not a lot of people in the office that that want to have their face on video, and you know, it's my business, so of course I'm gonna do it to for personal for branding. But it's sort of it just naturally happens, is sort of, I guess, what I'm saying. It naturally happens, and then we lose that personal identity. But the personal identity is such a strong piece, and I do try and infuse that into my client conversations, and and you know, they the clients know that you know I've got children, or you know, what do I enjoy, and and things like that, and that's really important so that they see you as a human, not just as a property manager, not just as a business owner, they see you as a person first, and so you have to allow some vulnerability and you do have to allow some personal identity in to be seen. No, I'm not saying private, but personal, they need to see so that they can align themselves with values and they can align themselves with you being someone that they want to manage their property. So we do find this personal identity and business identity clashing quite a bit, and conversations, like I said, have come up a bit around this where business owners are needing to find it. I mean, and how do you even find your personal identity? Well, it's showing up as a friend and it's showing up as a mother or a sister or a husband or a brother, it's showing up as that first is probably the easiest way to describe it. It's about infusing it inside your socials so that people can see. Like, I mean, like to give an example, this weekend I was at a wedding, so and I was doing some content for the bride, and and I love that. And then I have been sorting out a dinner dance for the 17-year-old, and so showcasing that type of stuff on socials is really, you know, people know what I'm like, people know that I've got children, they know that I love post-mix coke, they know that I love creating content for for anybody. Those types of things, that's my personal identity that I showcase. So if you see me, you know, posting a coffee or food or something like that, it's because you know that I love food. I I love, you know, you know, you might be someone who likes to have Friday drinks, and so you post about Friday drinks, and that's how I start remembering you. That's that's you know your thing. So having that I think is really, really important on socials and also just for your clients, and that comes with your clients, it's coming down to like just having conversations with them, and you know, maybe they have caught up and you might just say, How's your week been? They go, Oh, it's been good. I've had this, oh, I've bought a new car. Oh, awesome. What sort of car did you get? You know, it's just all of those conversation things like you would have with a friend. But I I want this episode for you to reflect on that. Do people know you as Ash from Soko, Michelle from B and I? Do they know you as that, or do they know you as, oh, you know, the one that likes playing netball, or the one that has all those kids, or you know what I mean? Like that type of thing. It's important. I feel like it's really important to have that. For for some people, it just looks like having a hobby, something that you really enjoy, a connection piece, and it will absolutely do wonders inside businesses if you can balance these really, really well. So talking about this clash, we're going to talk about how easy it is for the business to become who you are, the blur between business life and personal life, and the constant mental load of being that business owner. And there's a point where you stop knowing where you end and the business begins. And that's that's the problem. That's a problem of not having that personal identity. That's where you're going to get caught out, and it will come through as not being able to escape work, is probably the best way of describing it. So who you are versus the role you play. I want to talk and bring some awareness to you about the version of you that sit that exists outside the business. So the version of you that exists outside the business could be a hobby that you've got. Like I mentioned, it might be Friday night drinks, every Friday you have drinks. Maybe it's every Sunday it's roast at your mum's house. Maybe every like actually, like I'll use this as an example. She might be listening, but Jess from Bice Property, she does is it hydroxy? Hyrox. She does that, and I know that she does that one or twice, one or two times per week. So that's something that is creating her personal identity. There is, I'm just trying to think of who some of you guys who are who have got like a strong personal identity that I've been paying attention to. Oh, okay, I'll use Peter McKenzie from Geraldton if you're listening. Hello. I've noticed that you've been posting a lot of like opinions with the government at the moment and sort of like you know, tax and stuff like I know that sounds really random, but that creates a personal identity for you. You know, you're someone who's very passionate with decisions that the government's making and how it affects us. So that creates that personal identity. It's not actually work-related. Why you can't type back, it's not directly work-related, but it tells me where your, you know, your values and your interests sit. So things like that is something that people love, you know, finding out more about or doing outside the business. So just take a moment to think about that version of you that's not in work mode and what that person he or she is doing in their pastime, what they enjoy doing, whether they like being an introvert and not going out and doing anything every weekend, maybe they love socializing every weekend. Something that tells me more about you personally, not privately. And next I want you to have a little think about the version of you that shows up inside it and how different those two can feel. Because generally they can be quite polar opposite, or maybe in your situation they are the same. You might be someone in outside, I'm sorry, someone inside your business where you're go, go, go. And then when you show up, your personal identity is low low. It's like it's completely, you know, you're a hermit. Or maybe you show up the same both at work and personally, and if you do that, it might be pretty actually hard, pretty hard to actually um blow the lines actually between the two. But have a think about how those two roles sit differently. For me personally, I reckon that they probably sit quite similar, business and work. And you know, I am someone who probably needs to get better at my personal identity. I do try hard to make sure people have like see me as a human first, and yeah, I do my best. Sometimes it can feel unprofessional, but I know that there's a long-term game to it, and it does benefit me with clients and business in the future when they can see those two things. So, but it's yeah, it's it's a it's a fine line. We find that we have a lot of expectations when we're attached to being a leader. So you might be someone like myself where on the weekends I my personal identity is I really don't like making any decisions because I'm sick of making decisions all week. So when it comes to the weekend to help me have a different identity and to not have burnout, if I go out for dinner, I don't want to order, or if I'm with Lynn's, I don't order, and he orders it and sorts it all out. Even what I'm drinking, I couldn't actually care less what I'm eating or drinking, just put something in front of me. And so for me, being the leader Monday to Friday means that I really, really don't want to be a leader Saturday, Sunday. And I definitely do try to make my life very easy so I don't have to make decisions and it might involve all lots of Uber Eats or yeah, having sort of having people serve me is probably not the right way, but definitely having other people make those decisions for me is super helpful and it allows me to detach from that business identity because otherwise, if I have that constant pressure Monday to Friday, Saturday, Sunday, for me, I find that actually too much, and that's where that burnout can sit. And the pressure of being on constantly and always being the one that people come to, the person that carries that responsibility for the team and the clients, it is definitely a feeling that you can't switch off. And it is a little bit hard if you are someone who's got children to switch off. And Monday to Friday, you know, you've got the team constantly coming to you, and then on the weekend you've got your kids constantly coming to you, and you can't get rid of your kids, but you've you've got to sort of work out that balance. So that's why for me, not having to have it make a decision for dinner, and if that means that we have Uber Eats twice on the weekend, so the kids make a decision of what they want, then that's what it takes for me to differentiate the two. I'm very lucky my kids are a bit older, and so they do have you know more of a social life, so they're out and about, but I don't actually even have to make a decision of what they're doing, they generally know what they're doing, and that I just say to them, What are you doing this weekend? and they'll tell me, and they'll even to the point that they'll tell me where I need to take them or drop them, which is fine. And actually, now if I even reflect on that, maybe that I actually don't mind being like I don't mind being busy on the weekends, and I don't mind being told and being Uber driver all weekend because I'm not actually making that decision. Like it's not like my kids are like, oh, I'm bored, I want to do something, and then I'm like, Well, what do you want to do? And then me having to think of all these things to do, like if you're a parent, you'll know, and you have to go through, okay, well, do you want to go to the movies? Do you want to go to Bounce? Do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? I don't have to do that anymore. Because, and I don't know, I mean, I'm sure I probably did it, but I don't do that now. But if the kids say, Mum, I need you to pick this up at nine o'clock, and Mum, I need you to drop me off here at 12, I just do it and I don't seem to be that bothered by it because I'm not having to make the decision. Because they're making the decision, just telling me where to go. So it's a bit yeah, it's a bit different, but I guess that's probably why I don't, like I said, I don't feel burnt out by doing that on the weekends, because it's actually the decision making that creates burnout for me. If I have to make too many decisions personally, that's when it's too much. So maybe this is like a little therapy session for me, actually. Now that I'm talking, I'm talking myself through it. That's probably I think I would say, yeah, the biggest thing. Even today, went out for lunch with Linz, and he was like, Are you driving? I'm like, nah. And so he drove, so he didn't have to think about anything. And he paid for lunch and ordered the food. Like for me, that's like that's like the best. I don't have to think, don't have to think about anything. So I just identifying that, and I guess this is the thing, when you talk about stuff like exactly what I'm doing to myself now, I'm talking about it out loud, and I'm realizing those patterns and realizing what actually makes me feel better, and you can do the same. And that's why I always suggest, you know, listen, go catch up with a friend or catch up with property managers at the coffee conversations and just talk. Because the more you talk and hear yourself saying these things, you'll start like I have just now gone, you know what? That is why I always feel refreshed going to work on a Monday. But I didn't think of that before. So anyway, there you go. Welcome to Ashley's therapy session monologue. So when we have when the business becomes our identity, we can also find ourselves doing a couple of things like introducing ourselves through the business. We can find people, it's actually really quite interesting how people use their surnames when they into um, when they intro themselves to. Like if someone says, Oh hi, what's your name? And I'll say, Oh, hi, I'm Ash. Well, you get some people go, Oh hi, I'm Ashley Goodchild, but I don't know. I just I find always that interesting. I'm not, there's no right or wrong. I just I like to say Ash because maybe that's because that also separates that the identity to just Ash, just simple Ash, not attached to anything, just my nickname, and that's it. So that might be something you could actually reflect on how you whether you introduce yourself through through the business or not, measuring your worth through business performance is something where people who have a very strong business identity but not personal identity will find themselves doing. And when the highs and the lows of the business become personal. So if the business, if you if your mood or personality is dependent on the performance of the business, that can also be something that can cause a lot of problems. I sort of see business like it's its own entities, it's nearly like the business has got its own personality and you know it's not not a human, but like it's just it's it's on its own. Like I don't ever feel too emotionally attached to business, interesting enough. And some people very much are, but it's just what today is about and listening to this podcast, it's just really about just identifying how you feel with your identity and how you feel like you're balancing your personal and business. It's just it's just really a thought-provoking piece. You know, how do you feel when business isn't going good? How does that affect and impact your personal life, how you see yourself? Are you losing perspective outside of the business? Like just reflect on all those things and how you cope. And could that be a situation where you are taking on the business's identity just a little bit too much? Because there is a cost of losing yourself in growth and losing yourself inside a business identity because you lose that connection to what you really want and your values and why you're doing business in the first place, and you can also find that you start making decisions based on pressure and not the alignment, not what you wanted the business for in the first place, and you also start building something that could look successful but just doesn't feel right, like it's just not satisfying you, and you you've got that successful business, but then you don't have that successful home life, and that's something that really you should be focusing on as well. And if that's something that sounds like you, that if you do have a successful business but you're not feeling successful personally, you might need to talk to someone about that or you know, reach out and have a chat to me and see what sort of support I can give you. But to be honest, that type of thing, if that's happening, is really probably just something you're just gonna have to get really vulnerable and find someone safe, whether that's me or someone else, where you can actually just talk that through with how you're feeling. So that someone can help validate those feelings and maybe help you work towards how you can get out of that rut, I guess, because it can be a really serious one. It's definitely not one that I would recommend. I would say that you definitely need that support because you're gonna otherwise have relationships being impacted, whether that's partner or children or friendships, and you're gonna get burnout starting to creep in and you're going to feel very disconnected from yourself. And I have seen friends and colleagues in this position, and they actually end up selling the business because they think it's actually the business that's the problem. Like they put everything on that identity when in fact there is other personal issues going on. It our personal and our business identity, it all works all together. Like you've got to have a good balance of both. So I guess, yeah, again, today just recognize if you are too top heavy in one or the other. And if you are, that's probably when you might want to start reconnecting to yourself beyond that role and work out how you can separate the identity. You need to remember who you are outside of what you do. Maybe it is a hobby, maybe it's balancing the hours you're doing, but you definitely do need to create space to think, reflect, and step back. And that creating spaces really where a lot of people say, I don't have time, or they feel lazy, or they do what they think they're meant to do, like textbook stuff where the textbook says you should have every Fridays off, or textbook says you should finish at this time every day. Do you know what? Maybe that's actually not going to work for you and you need to find something else. Maybe it's not having Fridays off. Maybe it's just starting at 10 o'clock every morning. Maybe it's having doing lunchtime Pilates at 12:30 every single day and working before and after. And you, or maybe it's still working 12 hours a day, but you've got that Pilates break at lunchtime. Maybe it is booking a holiday every three months. Like you have to have that time to think, but don't feel lazy and don't say you've got no time because they're sort of both bullshit to be honest. So that I want you to start reconnecting with yourself and your life. I want you to maybe have a think about what you value outside of business success and how you are going on that wheel of life. Are you business success might be really good, but have a look at what's suffering? Is there friendships, relationships, or children or hobbies, maybe, or maybe it's your weight or your health or something like that that is that needs to be valued more? So have a think about what that might look like. I would also say have a look at who you are when you're not leading and solving and managing. Like, who are you? Are you Ash that likes to stay in bed all weekend and read a book? Or are you Ash that likes to run marathons or absolutely not, but you know, you could be that person. Or are you Ash that likes to go shopping? Or you know what I mean? Like that type of thing. Like who are you outside of the business? And what actually matters to you right now? Like, what's really, really important right now to you and what's stopping you actually doing it? One of the biggest things I do see, I mentioned it before, is that textbook stuff. So this is really personal stuff and definitely not textbook. So just because someone might be, you know, having those Fridays off and it works for them doesn't mean it's going to work for you. So just make sure that you do know what matter what actually matters to you right now as well. And then once you sort of have reflected on that a bit, we can start building a business that reflects you. And this is where business becomes very sustainable. This is how business owners like myself can operate businesses or run businesses for 20 years and still enjoy it and not find it stressful because I don't take on any of uh like I obviously, yes, there is business stress, but it's also its own entity, so it doesn't impact my personal identity. And that's something I don't even know where I've got that from. I guess I've just it's just been naturally built in. I've been pretty good at that, but I can't say that that is the truth for lots of business owners where they've had businesses for 20 years and are still working in it. Maybe it's not where they want it to be. They maybe it's going to start going backwards and they end up not having a retirement business to sell. There's lots of different things that I see in happening. And it's just because they haven't really had that personal and professional growth that you know you need as a leader. So you do need to make sure that that business, that business is designed around your values and not just growth. Hand on heart, I can say that I have never, ever, ever been driven by monetary values inside the business. It's always, always been lifestyle. So that's dropping kids off, picking them up, attending assemblies, attending school carnivals. That has been the only value that I've ever, ever, ever had in business. And the growth has just come with it, but I've never had a growth goal. So as long as I get to do those things, I've been very happy. As long as I can take a holiday whenever I want, I'm happy. And that's all that matters. That might be different though for other people. So everyone will have their own values there. Making decisions that align with who you are is uh really important. You don't want to make decisions that don't feel right or feel a bit icky. So that should be pretty easy to do with um trusting your gut. Also, a business when it reflects you is when you let your personal identity shape the business and not be consumed by it by it. So it's using your making sure your personal identity is strong enough to be to be seen so that you can be vulnerable with your team, and you can have people see you as a human first, really so important. And I know it sounds obvious, but I can tell you right now that does not happen in some businesses, in some agencies. It does not happen at all. So don't think for a minute that that is just normal, because I can tell you right now, it absolutely isn't, and you might be someone who works for a company where you can identify that as well. So I guess to finish off, little little thought for you is you are not your business. If you're a property manager listening, you are not your position. That is not who you are, you have your personal identity that should be stronger than that business identity. Your business is something you've built and not who you are, and the goal is to combine the two and not separate the two. You want when I say don't combine the two, I'm sorry, when I say combine the two but not separate, what I mean by that is I want you your personal identity to make your business stronger. And when we can combine that and get the right balance of that, that is when we'll see both succeeding. And it can be done. There's a lot of amazing business owners that do it so, so well. And I am sure you see them on socials. And if you just sort of stop for a minute and just have a little think about who are the people that you see showing up on social media that you think of when you think of this. And when you actually think about it, the people that you think of are not actually work-related, it might be something personal that they do that you remember, and that is how your clients will remember you as well when you show up online. They'll remember the personal side of things and not the business side of things. So hopefully you've been able to take something away from today's session. As always, these conversations we have inside the PMC Learning Lab would love to have you there one day. And you can head over to pmcollective.com.au to find out more. It's a very easy month by month membership. Uh, we have weekly one percenters, monthly masterclasses, fortnightly QA's, and whatever one on ones you need with me during the month to help you work through some of these things. Can't wait to see you next week. Bye.